I’m kind of drifting today . . . I want to blog, but I don’t want to blog. I have a few topics I’ve been thinking about writing about:

• I realized I never gave an explanation of the name of this site – “Wandering to a Goal”.
• I’ve been eating a lot of pineapple lately. I think it’s an underrated fruit. I did some reading on it and I was going to write something . . . but then I didn’t.
• I went back and looked at a blog I used to write in years ago. I was thinking of doing a looking-back post, but I haven’t finished re-reading the old blog yet.
• I heard about a news report that said we should spend some time in air-conditioning when it’s hot outside. According to the report, our bodies can’t handle being hot for long. I think that’s a load of B.S. If we take care of ourselves, we can do just fine in 80 or 90 degree weather. i was going to write about how we see conveniences as necessities, but then I didn’t feel like it.

Yep, I’m definitely unfocused and unmotivated at the current moment. I get like this when I’m tired – I went to bed waaaaay too late last night. ‘m still gonna write about all of the above, but it’s definitely not happening today.

Bringing visitors to a website is not an easy thing. I’ve been running AhdChild.com for several years now, and throughout that time, I’ve been constantly trying to improve the site and increase traffic. This year, I have been more focused than ever on bringing in new visitors. I just took a look at my site statistics, and realized that my efforts are really paying off. So far, 2007 has seen a 19% increase in unique visitors to the site over 2006. It’s only May! As we head towards the halfway mark of the year, last year’s final tally has already been exceeded. This is despite the surge in visitors to the site that occured around the time that I released Meeting of Minds. I can’t wait to see what happens when I release Reverse Psychology and work on promoting it. It’s nice to see signs that hard work is paying off. Now if I could only get people to comment on my blog . . .

I’ve been an avid reader of science-fiction and fantasy for almost as long as I’ve been able to read. I’ve been playing computer games for ages. Not the popular shoot-anything-that-moves variety, but the immerse-yourself-in-a-fantasy-world-and-customize your-character-as-you-gain-experience type. I’ve never played a pen-and-paper Dungeons and Dragons game, but I know a lot of the rules. I buy computers in pieces and I have enough spare parts to get about 2 more up and running if I felt like it. I worked in Windows, UNIX, Linux and MacOS. I’ve written programs in Java, C, C++, Scheme and Pascal. I make my web pages in Windows Notepad. Can you see where I am going with this? I’m a geek. I’ve been a geek for as long as I can remember and I’ve been happy to be one. But now, I’m starting to worry about my geek credibility.

There was a time when doing one or two of the above would have easily earned you a geek card, but the world is changing quickly. The World Wide Web is popular now. Once upon a time, you would have been hard pressed to find someone who had experience “browsing the web.” Today you’d be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t. I remember when I was one of the proud few who could make CDs on my computer or who used their computer as a Stereo system. These things that once set me apart no longer do. Now, instead of a badge of geeky honor, my homebuilt computers are just painful reminders that I’m stuck behind the technology curve with no laptop. Ever since Napster, mp3s have lost their wow factor. “Computer gaming” doesn’t mean much as Xbox360, PlayStation 3 and even the Nintendo Wii are basically living-room computers. Non-geeks have their Myspace pages packed with embedded applets, cascading style sheets and dynamic content. There go my Notepad web page points.

I could try to turn to some of the things on my list that are pretty geeky, but I haven’t written a program in years. The last time I messed with Linux, I started installing it in Windows Virtual Machine just to see if I could, but then I gave up on it because I really had no plans of using it again once it was installed. Sure, I know a bunch of rules to D&D, but I’ve never played, so I don’t think that counts for much.

I used to pride myself on being a geek. Not just any geek either. I was the geek that didn’t fit the geek mold. I loved many things geeky, but I still had friends, had dreadlocks, could rap, and could dance on beat. I was the neo-nerd, the new face of geekdom. Now, I am just a normal guy – no more or less teched out than the next guy. I only started blogging last year, I wasn’t the first person I know to get a portable media player, and I don’t spend more time on the internet than other people my age. What happened to my geek credibility?

But wait! I have a secret weapon! Something that does set me apart! I’m paying too much attention to technology – my geek cred is firmly entrenched in the old school. I still read books. In our current society, where for many people Fahrenheit 451 might as well have been true, I still read, and even treasure, books.

I was crossing a street on my bike this morning. There was another biker coming down the street I was crossing. I slowed down so I wouldn’t cut him off – it was pretty obvious he had the right of way and I would have been completely wrong to cross in front of him. As he passed me he apologized. Why did he apologize? He didn’t do anything wrong.

Spam sucks.

I’m alive. I’m sorry faithful readers. I didn’t mean to disappoint either one of you. I’ve been busy, spending most if the time I would normally spend blogging working on websites. CD-Nutz.com is now updated and THOR will soon have a website. For those that don’t know, THOR is an artistic collective dedicated to promoting independent artists. OK, I have to get back to work.

I often look back and wonder what things would be like today if I never got into music. It really was a close thing. I had a little bit of formal training in piano as a child, but I had absolutely no passion for it. For a while I wasn’t allowed to quit, but the moment I could, I did. My piano teacher had showcases where all her students performed once every other year. When I finally got permission to quit, that last concert was the last date I had to play. I practiced hard in the weeks before it, and after that day, I was done.

Years and years later, I started creating music on a whim. It was during the summer of 1998. I was walking home and I started writing a rap in my head. It was your typical boastful substanceless rap that can be expected from someone brand new to it…

Two to the face and one to the chest
Yo take it slow, cherish your last breath
You thought battling me would not bring you death
Some kind of error of judgment on your part I would guess . . .

I got home and finished off the verse, grabbed a CD with an instrumental, and recorded that verse with a shareware audio program – Goldwave. I wonder if that’s still around . . . (pause to google it) . . . (http://www.goldwave.com/) A friend of mine who was getting in to production showed me a program called Cool Edit Pro (now known as Adobe Audition), and from then on it was a forward progression. Over time I went from recording on other people’s instrumentals and making simple remixes to writing my own music.

My entire involvement with the creation of music came about because of two pieces of software. If I never had Goldwave and Cool Edit Pro I would not have discovered my own interest in creating music. Right now, that is one of my major passions in life and I discovered it by “messing around”.

I’m currently reading the biography of Quincy Jones. Quincy had skilled musicians tutor him and guide him. He stood on the shoulders of giants. Right now, I’m wondering where my giants are. Up until very recently, its been a completely solitary journey for me, and even now it still is in many ways. Most of the creative people I work closely with aren’t into quite the same things that I am. I recently released my first album and its full of a bunch of electronic music, but no hip-hop. Most of my “crew” does hip-hop. Everyone is very supportive, but I cannot use many of the avenues available to me because this particular project is not in the right genre.

This isn’t a complaint – more of an observation – because I’m starting to understand why things are the way they are. Quincy looked for people to teach him. An artist I know is beginning a set of projects that will be her first “releases”. Her first step in the process was to seek out people who have already been releasing material and ask for advice. I’m realizing that part of the problem, for me is I have not been looking for help. Looking back, there were a number of people along the way who could have helped and taught me had I recognized the possibility and gone after it, but I didn’t. I don’t tend to look for help. It’s an advantage and a disadvantage. When I want to figure out how to do something, I get online, grab some books, and or experiment. Because of this I can proudly say that I’ve taught myself most of what I know and I’ve had the space to form my own opinions and methods, but because of this I know there is much I need to learn. No man is an island and I need to find the line between doing it on my own and learning from others that is the right balance.

Better late than never, right? The search is on. As I’m writing this, I am making the resolution. I will start trying to learn from the people around me. It will be hard because as I said I have a hard time finding people who are into what I am into, but they are out there and I do know where to find some of them.