I’m gonna start using the non sequiturs to end really deep and involved conversations.

For example, imagine a few people having an intense discussion on the existence of God. I’ll chime in “don’t even let me get started on the greenhouse effect.” During the awkward silence that follows as everyone tries to figure out what I’m talking about, I’ll walk away.

I’m gonna pass on the side with least space when people move to make room for me to get by. I’ve seen lots of other people do it, so why can’t I? You know – you step to the left, opening up a huge space on your right side. The oncoming person veers away from the huge space on your right and attempts to squeeze between you and the wall on your left. That’s gonna be me. For increased effectivness, as I squeeze by, I’ll give you the why-the-hell-aren’t-you-moving-out-of-my-way glare.

I’m gonna make up words that sound like they could be racial slurs and then use them. Everyone will think it’s directed at them. I’ll probably get beat up a lot.

“Get out of my way you dirty snik! You sniks are all alike. Ouch! Why’d you hit me?”

I’m gonna show the whole world that I have nothing to prove.

I’m gonna say “no” to yes/no questions and then give an explanation that should have gone along with an answer of yes.

Example:
Q) Do you have an alcohol problem?
A) No, but I drink waaaaay too much.

I’m gonna start finishing people’s sentences for them…with completely random endings.

You know how people can’t think of the word they want sometimes but its obvious to you so you say it for them. In situations like that I’m gonna start saying a word that is obviously not what they were looking for, one that makes absolutely no sense in the context.

“So he got in my car and wouldn’t buckle his…err…you know…”
“Cornucopia?”

I’m gonna start giving ridiculous misinformation about myself and I’ll act confused if anyone questions me about it. I mean things that are obviously false. For example, if I have to turn a form in, I’ll check off “Pacific Islander” for my race or I’ll add a foot to my height.

I’m gonna start reminding people about things that just happened.

“Remember the time you read my blog entry about reminding people about stuff?”