Archive for i’m gonna

I’m Gonna #019

I’m gonna regularly refer to myself in the 2nd person.

I’m Gonna #019a (a corollary)
I’m gonna figure out how to refer to myself in the 2nd person.

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I’m Gonna #018

I’m gonna respond to all statements with succinct modifiers that throw doubt on the original statement.

“Worms are disgusting.”

“So you believe.”

“Stop being a jerk.”

“Supposedly.”

“You’re not even making sense anymore.”

“So you’ve been told.”

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I’m Gonna #017

I’m gonna make a habit of misusing obscure adjectives.

“I’m feeling mighty pomaceous today.”

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I’m Gonna #016

I’m gonna respond to all slang statements by using their literal opposites.”Yo, that movie was off the hook!”
“I thought it was pretty hooked.”
“?”

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I’m Gonna #015

I’m gonna regularly practice my grandiose speech. Once I get more comfortable with it, I’m gonna cease all other types of speech.

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I’m Gonna #14

I’m gonna initiate conversations with people I have seen before for the sole purpose of identifying them.

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
“Errr, I don’t think so.”
“Yeah, I sat next to you on the bus two days ago.”
“Oh”
“. . .”
“. . .”

For the proper effect, the awkward silence, which should last a minimum of 8 seconds, is followed by walking away.

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I’m gonna #013

I’m gonna needlessly give people extra assurances of any facts I pass on to them.

“Is it raining?”

“Yeah, I was just outside and it’s pouring.”

“Okay.”

“No, I’m positive, it’s definitely raining.”

“Alright.”

“I swear to you! Look at me! I’m wet! WET!”

“. . .”

“It is raining.”

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I’m gonna #012

I’m gonna ask people if the are speaking in the figurative or literal sense whenever they use common metaphors and figures of speech. Once they tell me they mean it figuratively, I’ll have a delayed reaction to whatever they said.

“That’s some dumb shit!”

“Um, when you say shit, do you literally mean that’s an unintelligent bowel movement, or did you mean that figuratively?”

“Errr…I meant it figuratively – there’s no bowel movement.”

(Completely naturally as if this is my first response to the original statement) “Ha ha, yeah that shit is dumb!”

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