I often look back and wonder what things would be like today if I never got into music. It really was a close thing. I had a little bit of formal training in piano as a child, but I had absolutely no passion for it. For a while I wasn’t allowed to quit, but the moment I could, I did. My piano teacher had showcases where all her students performed once every other year. When I finally got permission to quit, that last concert was the last date I had to play. I practiced hard in the weeks before it, and after that day, I was done.

Years and years later, I started creating music on a whim. It was during the summer of 1998. I was walking home and I started writing a rap in my head. It was your typical boastful substanceless rap that can be expected from someone brand new to it…

Two to the face and one to the chest
Yo take it slow, cherish your last breath
You thought battling me would not bring you death
Some kind of error of judgment on your part I would guess . . .

I got home and finished off the verse, grabbed a CD with an instrumental, and recorded that verse with a shareware audio program – Goldwave. I wonder if that’s still around . . . (pause to google it) . . . (http://www.goldwave.com/) A friend of mine who was getting in to production showed me a program called Cool Edit Pro (now known as Adobe Audition), and from then on it was a forward progression. Over time I went from recording on other people’s instrumentals and making simple remixes to writing my own music.

My entire involvement with the creation of music came about because of two pieces of software. If I never had Goldwave and Cool Edit Pro I would not have discovered my own interest in creating music. Right now, that is one of my major passions in life and I discovered it by “messing around”.

I’m currently reading the biography of Quincy Jones. Quincy had skilled musicians tutor him and guide him. He stood on the shoulders of giants. Right now, I’m wondering where my giants are. Up until very recently, its been a completely solitary journey for me, and even now it still is in many ways. Most of the creative people I work closely with aren’t into quite the same things that I am. I recently released my first album and its full of a bunch of electronic music, but no hip-hop. Most of my “crew” does hip-hop. Everyone is very supportive, but I cannot use many of the avenues available to me because this particular project is not in the right genre.

This isn’t a complaint – more of an observation – because I’m starting to understand why things are the way they are. Quincy looked for people to teach him. An artist I know is beginning a set of projects that will be her first “releases”. Her first step in the process was to seek out people who have already been releasing material and ask for advice. I’m realizing that part of the problem, for me is I have not been looking for help. Looking back, there were a number of people along the way who could have helped and taught me had I recognized the possibility and gone after it, but I didn’t. I don’t tend to look for help. It’s an advantage and a disadvantage. When I want to figure out how to do something, I get online, grab some books, and or experiment. Because of this I can proudly say that I’ve taught myself most of what I know and I’ve had the space to form my own opinions and methods, but because of this I know there is much I need to learn. No man is an island and I need to find the line between doing it on my own and learning from others that is the right balance.

Better late than never, right? The search is on. As I’m writing this, I am making the resolution. I will start trying to learn from the people around me. It will be hard because as I said I have a hard time finding people who are into what I am into, but they are out there and I do know where to find some of them.

Last night I was supposed to have an album release party. My apologies to anyone that came out. Medusa had electrical problems and we found out about it the same way that anyone who tried to come found out – we read the sign on the locked door.

There are many ups on downs along the road to accomplishing anything worthwhile, so I guess this was just one of the downs. I was looking forward to being able to play the album for a relatively large group of people and to seeing their reactions. I think I mentioned this in an earlier entry – I’m not quite sure what to make of this album. I am counting on the initial reactions to help me determine who it appeals to and how I should be trying to push it. When I put out my next project, I’ll know exactly what to do with it – it will be hip-hop and feature me as an MC as well as a producer – but on ‘Meeting of Minds’ the musical genres vary and it does not have the same mass market appeal as hip-hop. Last night was going to be a very important night in my process.

There’s some saying that was quoted a few times in the book I just finished reading that I can’t call to mind at the moment. Something about the best laid plans always going awry… whatever the saying is, it held true in this case. I guess – scratch that – I know I need to just take this one on the chin and keep it moving. I’m already feeling better than I was last night. The release has been rescheduled for this coming Tuesday (7/25). A good amount of people were prepared to come and show support, so hopefully they’ll make it next week. Disappointment always hits so much harder when you’re unsure or already worried, so I won’t let it keep me down. Setbacks like this are only temporary.

I was sitting in a car today watching the back of a truck up ahead. The sun and the surrounding objects were creating a shadow movie on the truck, it was kind of fascinating. I’m sure the guy inside had no idea about what was going on back there. That’s humbling. The world is very different now from what it used to be, even ten years ago. Suddenly, information is readily available whenever we want it – just jump onto the super-highway. Have you been to wikipedia? I’m sure you’ve come across it in your google searches. It’s an amazing tool – a humongous and ever-growing online encyclopedia. But. Despite our constantly growing knowledge and the increasing ease of access to it, we are limited. We can only know so much. Some man in some truck this morning knows driving routes between tons of different locations in this area but he doesn’t know what the back of his own truck looks like when he drives across a bridge on a sunny day. He probably doesn’t even really know what the back of his head looks like.

This is a large universe we live in, and at any given instant, there is a whole universe of information to take in. A slight shift in perspective and a completely different subset of that universe is available to our senses. Proximacy and relevancy mean nothing – few things can be closer and more relevant to me than the back of my own head, but I am in one the worst possible positions to observe it, yet I can give a pretty detailed account of the life of a hippopotamus on the other side of the world.

Socrates taught that the wisest thing a man can do is admit his ignorance. I’m seeing that idea in a whole different light right now. If you don’t admit you’re ignorance, you’re not acknowledging the majority of existence. That would make any person who didn’t admit his ignorance infinitely ignorant. Damn.

It’s done! Ring the bells, cue the confetti, bring out the kickline. Meeting of Minds, my first album is finished and available for purchase. Visit www.ahdchild.com for details.

Are you a good person? Wait, wait! I won’t make you commit to something like that. There’s only trouble down that path.

Do you believe that you are a good person? I think I’m a good person. I try to be honest and helpful. I do my best to avoid hurting people – others and myself. I try to be compassionate and understanding. Yeah, I think I’m pretty good. But! (I know you saw that ‘but’ coming) But, I could be much better. It just hit me about ten minutes ago that I can be better. It’s not like I ever thought I was anywhere near perfection, I just haven’t thought much about it lately. You know how life gets sometimes – you spend so much time living it that you get distracted from thinking about it.

A little earlier, I was thinking about my current place in this life. Life for me is good right now. A lot of things are working out the way I want them to. Seeds I planted in the past are showing signs of bearing fruit, I am surrounded by good people and I see potential for even more improvement in just about every direction I look. The next stop on the train of thought was the past. There were many times when it seemed that disaster in one form or another was imminent, but things have always worked out in the end for me. Somehow the right person shows up at the last minute or the right opportunity comes knocking – it always worked out.

Maybe I’m such a good person that karma is just constantly in my debt. Hmmm…or maybe its not as simple as “what comes around goes around.” Maybe karma gives us a line of credit. Perhaps all these good things and bad-things-turned-good-things are signs that I’m building up some major debt. Today I am giving myself a new task – pay back karma. You probably won’t see any huge changes in my life, but I resolve to make a greater effort to be that person who shows up at the last minute to save the day. I will try to be good fortune’s vessel because sometimes luck needs a little help.

Word.

“The problem is the solution.” That’s what I just read. Everywhere you look you can find signs of society’s illness. I won’t take the time to list them because really, all you need to do is look. If looking is too hard, just listen. People are always talking about what’s wrong with the world. Everyone complains, but no one fixes it. It’s not because most of the people who recognize the world’s problems are lazy, uncaring people who like to hear themselves speak. It’s because the problem is the solution. I’m sure that if any of the complainers had the answer, they would speak it twice as loud as their complaints. The problem is that the solution isn’t easy or simple. Most of us who take a moment to ponder what ‘s happening around us end feeling small and at times useless. “What can I do?” is such a familiar question. If I had a penny for every time I heard it either in my head or from someone else, I would have enough money to buy a solution.

Well, I have a solution. It’s not an easy solution, it’s not a fast solution, and it’s probably not a complete solution. It is something we can work towards. We are plagued by ignorance. I believe that a large amount of the world’s issues are caused by ignorance. Yes, there are a significant amount of well educated folks who are heavy contributors to what’s-wrong-with-the-world-today, but the main reason that they get away with it is that they are unopposed. Sometimes the economically elite get away with what they do because the masses don’t realize that they deserve more, sometimes they’ve been fooled into believing they’re getting more, and sometimes they want more but don’t know how to get it. Educated people tend to be more ambitious because they are more aware of their options, they are harder to trick, and they are in a better position to pursue what they want.

It’s not just in the fight against economic oppression that education can help us. The more you know, the more you can do. Tons of people in America and throughout the world are not employable because of their lack of education. There is only a limited amount of jobs that require minimal knowledge out there. Education gives people the versatility and flexibility they need to fill the open gaps in the job market rather than wait for a specific gap to open up.

Certain types of crime are less likely to be committed by educated people. One big reason is that educated people are less likely to feel the worst pressures of poverty which can push people to committing criminal acts in order to survive. Another reason is that educated people often think through things more because when you’re sitting in school “learning to learn” that is one of the things you’re being trained for. Life is simply applied logic.

Of course educating folks is not easy, but as I said, its a goal. Too many of our efforts are wasted on short term solutions. If you tell a child not to sell drugs, you are giving him a meal. Showing him alternative means to make money is giving him a fishing lesson. People generally do see education as important, but I don’t think a lot of people realize quite how important. Often, it may seem that it’s best to address society’s problems directly, but when you do it that way, the people trying to help will always be in the minority – picture me against the world. With an educated populace, everyone is in a better position to help him or herself. Currently, America throws tons of money into funding a welfare system that gives cash and food to needy people while our underfunded and badly managed schools are like factories, pumping out people who will soon be in this system. We need to stop the assembly line and focus on the more permanent solution. It would take several generations for the effects of education to be seen, but it truly is the more permanent solution.

What can I do? (and by ‘I’ I mean any and every individual) I can do my best to be a force for education. I can teach. I can try to encourage children to learn and try to nurture their natural thirst for knowledge when possible. I can urge others to do the same. I (personally) can try to teach with my music. Those of us who follow artistic pursuits are in a good position to reach people. We are a part of The Media and the entertainment industry. People listen to the media. If someone likes your art, there’s a good chance that he’ll listen to the message. Be responsible. Make sure it’s a good message. Encourage people to learn and to think.

What about the grown people? Do what you can for them. I’m not saying we should do away with all programs and efforts to attack problems directly, but there is only so much you can do on that front. Teaching someone who doesn’t want to learn can be anywhere from hard to impossible. Keep trying, but don’t lose sight of the real goal. We say our children are our future, but actions speak louder than words.