I was just walking, thinking about the lyrics I posted earlier (or yesterday, depending on how you want to look at it) I decided I don’t like them. At first I was thinking of deleting that post, but then I decided that would be breaking the rules of blog. If it’s been said, then it’s been said. I’m just going to have to accept it.

Why don’t I like the lyrics? Meaning and purpose are very important things to me when it comes to writing. Those lyrics had no meaning or purpose. If you thought there was some theme or something in there, it was completely by accident. My main concern when I was writing that was maintaining the -urning, -urting, etc sound. I started off with no real concept, just writing words. Along the way, a few concepts came to mind, but guess what? I let them all pass me by so I could stick to my rhyme scheme. I was defeated by my own words. Words are supposed to be my tool, but I went where they took me. I was a follower when I should have been leading those syllables to some worthwhile destination.

OK, I’ll cut down on the drama.

That is the type of thing I normally write in my notebook and never do anything with. I happened to be at a computer when I wrote it, so I posted it here without really considering it. Looking back now, I realized it ended up being more of a writing exercise than anything.

Every song for the album is recorded and mixed. I am now entering the fixing and mastering stage. I just put every song in position so I could listen to the flow of the album. I’m so close now! It’s been a while since I listened to all the songs so I had a fresher ear when I played it through. It was a strange experience. It made me realize that I’m a strange person. The genre is all over the place. When it’s released I guess I’ll just have to call it ‘electronic’ because there are too many subcategories that it touches. It kind of reflects my personality. I’m into a lot of things that some people wouldn’t normally put together.

I wonder how this will affect how people see me as an artist. When Lauryn Hill did an album with mostly singing, a lot of people were disappointed. It was a great album, but they wanted to hear her rap. Hopefully this album will get me some fans. If it does, will they be disappointed when my next album is hip-hop? Will they be upset that my next electronic project will probably be predominantly house music? Will people that like me as an MC wonder what the hell is wrong with me when they hear this album?

At some point I want to get a laptop and put together a live set that includes some improvisational elements. I hope to be able to combine every kind of music I make when I do that. I’m not sure what the audience for that type of thing would be. Every now and then I wonder if I should have another name for myself to separate the electronic music producer from the MC. Maybe that would be the best marketing move. I don’t want to do that though. I already spread myself thin. It would be so much harder if I had to maintain and promote two personas.

Ahh well, I guess time will tell. Enough work for today, I’m going to play. (And I really did not mean for that to rhyme)

I run around in circles, hurting
Searching for a purpose
Feeling worthless
Lonely deserted
Apprehensive, slightly nervous
Angry, even fervent
I see too much cuz I’m observant
And I am slowly learning
Not to be the servant
To the ones that are lurking
Making sure they fill their purses
By pulling strings on persons
I am thirsting for rewards that I’m deserving
Very close to point of bursting
That is why I’m fucking cursing
It’s time to start making assertions
I spent too much time working
To waste it in this pointless turning
So I’m walking out the circus
To embrace the taste of learning
I’ll leave all my bridges burning
Because I don’t plan on returning

In one class I took, there was a girl who would always talk about avoiding the dichotomy that is constantly imposed on alternate theories and ideas in academia. While I usually disagreed with whatever specific point she was making at the moment, I thought she was spot on with the whole dichotomy thing. It’s not just true for Academia. Way too often, people feel that something is or has to be one way or the other. (Let’s get the cliché out of the way as soon as possible.) We tend to see things in black or white and all the grays get lost in humongous blind spots. This affects many aspects of our lives, often negatively.

Not very long ago, it was generally accepted that men had a certain role and women had a certain role. Sometime in the 1900s (I want to say 1960s but I don’t know why that number comes to my head and don’t feel like looking it up) the feminism movement was born. Women fought to get treatment and consideration similar to what men received. It was time to change what was accepted – women are smart, women are strong, women are independent. Feminism went from non-existent to revolutionary to the norm. Now in many cultures in the US, it is not only accepted but expected that women get jobs and contribute to the family’s finances. The old image of wives being barefoot pregnant women washing dishes became old fashioned. All well and good, except for one problem. Some women like to be barefoot (or maybe slippered) and pregnant washing dishes. Very often, these women get looked at as weak, subservient and even traitorous to the cause. Other times these women force themselves into the “strong independent” lifestyle and end up single, childless and unhappy.

How did we go from a society where it was seen as necessary that women be a certain way to a society where women are villainized for being that way? We seem to have skipped over the middle ground that was the goal (I hope) of the women’s rights movement. The fight was not to get women out of the kitchen and the delivery room, it was to let them out. Meaning, if a women wants to keep the same old role, that’s ok too.

Despite the widespread expectation for women to be working women, the gender-status issue is far from dormant and peaceful. There are many men that complain about women thinking they can do anything. I constantly hear comments like “they want us to treat them equal, but then they get mad if I don’t hold a door” from some men. Others claim that we should respect and elevate woman because woman is the creator and without her we’d have no life. Then there are the women who claim that they are in some way better than men or their burden is greater because they carry children for 9 months and bleed periodically during the other months. There are the biblical arguments – Eve made Adam sin and woman came from man. Yeah, I’m leaving tons of arguments and nuances out of this, but hopefully you get my point.

All these arguments and claims always leave me feeling like something’s missing. Why does there have to be this competition? Why must men and women have set gender related roles? Does it matter who cooks and cleans as long as it gets done? Don’t we need a man AND a woman to make life? We are like two wheels on a bike arguing about who is more necessary for movement. Without either one of us, we aren’t going anywhere. Not only do both wheels need to be present, they need to work together to achieve motion. Down with the dichotomy!

I was in a conversation on this topic with a bunch a friends some time ago. One friend of mine proposed a very different interpretation of the Adam and Eve story. Instead of assigning significance to who came first, he found the most important thing to be that man and woman came from one being. If Eve came from Adam’s body then without her a piece of him is missing. Man without woman is incomplete and woman without man is incomplete. That’s how I’ve always felt, but I loved the fact that he linked that to the Adam and Eve story. We are meant to cooperate with and support each other. Without that union, we are unable to create. Men and women should approach each other as individuals and creators. Any person you interact with is a crucial part of the miracle of life. Respect them for that. Forget the notion of gender roles. A lot of men are physically stronger than lot women. That doesn’t make us better. Perhaps men and women think differently (that’s a different debate). If we do, that’s not a reason to elevate one way over another it’s an opportunity to combine our strengths so we can have all bases covered. Anyone can nurture if they set their heart on it. We need to stop this senseless argument and nurture each other.

Down with the dichotomy! Let’s meet on the gray and be complete.

So a quick intro – when I’m talking to friends, I like to come up with ideas of stupid things that I can do to annoy, disturb, or confuse people. Usually they start off with “I’m gonna…” Of course I usually don’t do those things, but its fun/interesting/funny to think about. Well it is to me. Now I’m gonna share them with the world as I come up with them. (And by world I mean my three regular readers) If it doesn’t make sense right now, it will after I post a few. So here’s #1:

I recently found out that settleable is a bona fide word. That’s what gave me this idea. I’m gonna make a list of all the words that sound like they were just made up on the spot and I’m gonna use them in everyday speech as often as possible. If someone accuses me of making up words, I’ll just look confused.

I make an effort to come up with catchy titles for my posts. Today I am pleased with myself.

So I just watched a video of one of the girls from Destiny’s child falling in the middle of a performance. The remarkable thing about it was that the other two just glanced at her before turning back to the crowd and going on with the song. At first it was just something to laugh at, but then it got me thinking about performance technique.

On Sunday I got a chance to see Eric Roberson perform. When DC had an interruption to their performance, they pretty much pretended that it didn’t happen. On the other hand, ER had tons of interruptions. He kept stopping in the middle of songs to respond to things people in the audience said. After responding, ER would return to the song without missing a beat. That kind of interaction added so much to the performance. I’m not saying DC should have stopped the show to have a conversation, but damn, they could have helped their girl up. Mainstream performances nowadays are so choreographed that there is no room for the spontaneity of accidents or the spontaneity of momentary genius. At a performance I did a few years ago I started one of my favorite songs at the time. I was throwing all my passion and energy into it when I realized – I didn’t remember the next word. After messing the song up, I stopped the band, told the audience I didn’t want to do a messed up version of the song because I loved it so much, and I started over. Can you imagine if DC had done the same thing? For them, starting over again would have meant doing the same choreographed walk to the center of the stage followed by the same pre-planned hip shaking. That kind of thing doesn’t come off well a second time around.

A good performance is a dynamic performance. If someone falls on stage, make it a part of the show. Give them the chance to laugh at themselves in front of everybody to make it a little less embarrassing. That way people will go home saying “she busted her ass and still killed it” instead of just “she busted her ass.” A good show should be planned and practiced until you could do it in your sleep, but paradoxically, the thing that will set it off is good improvisational skills.

Wow! About a year ago I decided to make an album. I knew it would be difficult, but there is nothing like going through the experience. So many times during the process I’ve wished I could just write a song and then hand it off to someone else to mix. It would’ve been done months ago if that was the case. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. I write the songs, record them, and mix them. I’m going to master them myself, do the artwork myself, and the CD duplication company I co-own is going to make the CD’s. Me, me, me. The concept of this album is collaboration, but the other artists got to come in, do their parts, and be out. On top of my project, this past year I’ve been recording and mixing albums for Akua Naru, Godhead, Black Rose, and Proe One. I’ve also been doing the studio-for-hire thing and recording and producing songs with Mo Walker, Dusky Diana, and Jackie Rios.

Did I bite off more than I can chew? Hells yeah! Now I know, and knowing is half the blah blah blah, but I still have all this stuff to finish. They say computers and cheaper equipment have made the whole independent music thing easier, but what they fail to mention is that its still difficult. While it definitely cheaper and more accessible, if anything its probably more work than it used to be. Once upon a time my main focuses would have been writing the music and then earning money to record it. Now, I have so many options and I’ve ended choosing more than I can handle. I have my cake, I’m eating it, and I’m eating like 5 other cakes too. My stomach hurts. Lesson learned! The focus now is to finish. My mom used to say my dad would start stuff and never finish. I think I inherited that or at least I can understand it now. You can start tons of things, but the more you start, the less likely you are to finish any. The plan for this year is 1) get these other albums out of the way and 2) focus on me. After these albums, I’m going to limit non Ahd Child related things to individual sessions. We can book a studio session, but I can’t commit to big projects that aren’t my own right now. They are too time consuming.

Damn, this wasn’t supposed to be about my workload. See, that whole focus/overload thing was realized a few weeks ago, so its already in the works. Last week I almost committed to something new, then I called Proe One and told him I had to pull out. Now, as I write this, I’m beginning to see the fruits of my focus. Last weekend, I mixed one of the last tracks to my album! I was so happy when I did it, but of course with every step forward there’s a half step back (not two, you damn pessimist!) The absolute last track is the bonus track. The music is written and the lyrics are written…Somewhere. Trying to keep the momentum going, I went to record the bonus track and found out that I lost most of the lyrics. Damn! I considered leaving it out, but it is the perfect bonus track for this album and wouldn’t fit as well anywhere else. I gave in to disappointment for a bit (I was also busy) – I haven’t touched the album all week.

Tonight I spent some time reading magazines in Barnes and Nobles. The best music magazines come from England and they cost $16 per issue here because they’re imports. No problem, I read them in-store and take notes. Tonight I read a bunch of articles on promoting your stuff online. It made me realize that all I need to get this ball rolling is product. My product is almost done. I rushed home with intention of finishing it. I just spent some time on myspace, using some tips from the articles to do some self promotion, now I’m about to rewrite those lost lyrics. In the near future I’m going to redo my website. I need to make it easier to keep updated and I need to incorporate this blog. Updates and blogs are important things for getting popular. People love new content.

I’m off to write. Love peace and nappiness.

Blog 3.0 because this is my 3rd blog. 2.5 because its more of an upgrade from the last one than a completely new blog. Version 1 was over at xanga. I wasn’t interested in blogging because I never desired to post minute details of my boring life where random people I’ve never seen can read them. After I joined a band and decided to start taking music seriously, I thought it would be a good idea to post minute details of the music related portion of my life where random people I’ve never seen can read them. That went well for a little while – I wrote about shows, the progress of my album (which I ended up not releasing), and other musical thoughts. Eventually I got tired of that and decided to put my energy into my website.

At least a year later came version 2 on Yahoo! 360. The purpose of version 2 was to push myself to write and to record some of my ideas so that they could be shared and also so that one day I would look back on them. I still wanted to stay away from the little details, so I decided that I would never blog about personal life. Instead I would blog about things I was thinking about that affect other people. It was more of a column like what you would find in a magazine than a blog. The problem with that was that sometimes those little details are worth sharing and recording.

So now here I am starting version 3/2.5. This time its 1 and 2 combined with a little extra. I’ll talk about my music, I’ll talk about my thoughts, and I may even talk about my life. On top of that, I’ll cut taxes. I moved from Yahoo! to blogger because blogger’s main focus is blogs. Yahoo! 360 has too many bells and whistles that I don’t need. Because I only started my Yahoo blog several months ago, I copied all of the posts over to this new spot. All posts previous to this one came from my 360 blog.

Ok, wordy introduction is finished. Next time I write, it’ll be about something.